A Homebirth Story
’Luca Angelo Dal Bianco’
The Unsung Heroines…
A dedication to midwives everywhere, and a snippet of a Homebirth story.
With special gratitude & love to you both, Helen & Marley.
Helen Young — Private Practice Midwife
I wanted to share this story and the exquisite imagery captured by our talented and dear friend, Lee Illfield, not only to honour the midwives, and Lee’s incredible gift to us, but also to pay it forward to all women who are curious about natural birth … and to pay it back, for the courage and support I received from other women sharing their birthing journeys.
Helen (left), Lee (right)
Lee you were sensitive, caring, quietly unobtrusive and so very supportive. Until I looked back at these pics, I didn’t truly appreciate the enormity of the day, the beauty of the sacred journey, or the incredible love and tenderness from my partner, Adrian… I was entirely inwards focused. Thank you dear sister, Lee.
I know and trust, with every cell of my body, that there is an unmistakable, ancient intelligence to life, birth and mother’s wisdom.
After hearing some birth stories of close sisters birthing their babes at home and overcoming my surprise that it was even an option, I knew that was my choice.
Thank you, Camilla… for who your are to your core, fiercely protective of the tender and sacred things, generous, kind, playful, loyal, wise and inspiring… Thank you with my heart and soul.
I knew there was a possibility I could end up needing a hospital, but I was determined to birth at home… and surrender the outcome.
At some point along the 9 month journey of growing a baby in my womb, I trusted, hoped… that I would feel confident to be able to birth this precious-melon-sized-bundle out of a fucking-tiny-lemon-sized-yoni!!
And yet, the fear conditioning most of us are subject too, runs deep, is imprinted into our cell memory, and westernised cultural programming.
The lead in to Luca’s birth was far from harmonious, emotionally, mentally or physcially. I have no doubt Luca was initiating some turbulence between mama and papa to prepare for his arrival.
The hormones are definitely part of the mix, and then there’s life shattering upheavals that entirely shift the trajectory of life, relationships and future pathways.
By the time Luca’s birth came around, we were on the same sheet of music... feeling our way through this next, incredibly uncertain passage.
Next minute… 9 months is up.
Contractions begin 8 days early after a 1.30am bedtime on New Years Eve…
“Oh fuck, this is actually happening.”
Birth, I was told, is an initiation, that women have guided each other through for hundreds, no, thousands of years.
I believed it. And every birth is a completely different portal of mum and bub joining in physical, energetic and spiritual connection on an inwards journey… that no one else can join them on. They can be present and in support, but it seems that no one else exists at the moment of birthing!
So who, in the last 200 years, decided they could do this better with all their technology and pharmaceuticals, than the Woman, whose body was designed perfectly by nature, whose body speaks wisdom beyond science.
When the birth process is empowered, it is founded on the expectation handed down to her by generations of her Mother lineage of her strong, intelligent, well-equipped body.
When the birth is allowed to progress naturally, the birthing maiden or mother has an expected confidence in her body, her connection with her baby and the intelligence of nature, intervention is rarely needed.
I’ve always been unwaveringly confident that my body is capable of anything, that my mind is stronger than the pain stories, I’ve tested it in many ways… and still, the fear was real.
I found Helen at 8 weeks pregnant. Her reassurance and guidance was instrumental in my inner preparation. For a start, she had a New Zealand accent, honey to a kiwi far from home! She was calm, quietly fierce in her passion and dedication and felt like family straight away.
The mystery and sacredness of the passage each of us takes to be here, in this body, at this moment… is something every mama and papa gets to witness, and then fades slowly like a dream as life’s realities and trivialities take over.
And yet the midwives see this absolute miracle of life every day of their work.
It could be the most underrated, underpaid, undervalued profession on the planet, except by those who have seen or understood their angelic work first hand.
I’m not writing because I believe any mothers situation, or choices are better or worse than another. I write because I believe whole heartedly that an empowered, stable, emotionally resilient human, starts well before birth and includes our birth story.
We have strayed far from our natural origins… and this is part of my journey towards deeper understanding.
Every single mother has been through the initiation of a portal that changes her for ever, and she makes the best choice available to her for her personal journey. I am certainly no one to pass judgement. I feel extremely blessed that my mum wanted to birth me with candle light and pan flute music in the maternity ward in Queenstown, she made the best choices available to her and I’m grateful to better understand her journey as a Mother.
This is also true for fathers… emotionally and physically they take a lot of the strain if they have chosen to be alongside their baby mama for this incredibly sacred time. And I am so blessed for you, Adrian, for your selfless support in the birthing journey, and nurture of us both.
I wanted to Homebirth for so many reasons.
It’s a rite of passage that has been taken from women, controlled by men, doctors, profitable industry, reduced to a mechanical, medicalised, disempowered process where a women is influenced to mistrust her innate body wisdom, made to believe her body is weak or broken, and needs medical help to undertake this most natural act, perfectly designed by nature and tampered with by those who think they know better than she, who has already bonded with this miracle of creation growing in her womb.
Their language has already been developing for 9 months together, their communication is visceral. Luca shared his name with me at about 20 weeks, and communicated with me in many ways. Adrian was having conversations with Luca in his dreams all the way through my pregnancy… with important messages… seriously cool!
The whole birthing process is guided by the subtle, powerful, unmistakeable, once-upon-a-time revered, Women’s intuition and subtle senses.
It is the baby that knows when it’s time to initiate contractions, when it’s time to engage lower in the pelvis, the whole process happens THROUGH us, without force, and shows us when to push to help the lil bundle at the last exit.
The fear invoking movie set births I’d seen were really the only examples I ever had… designed to build drama and create an unnatural fear of the most powerful and empowering event on the planet.
Of course there’s noise, loud, vocal noise at the business end of labour, but the gradual increase of pain is necessary for the hormones and chemicals our body’s need to birth our baby.
Any intervention throws out the natural flow of the bodies birthing wisdom. But we as a culture have learnt to avoid pain at all costs… even ‘healthy’ pain.
I do believe conventional medicine is useful, necessary and lifesaving… when used in support of our natural women’s wisdom and power. Sometimes things just don’t go to plan.
Once I started to research how impressive the statistics are for Homebirth, talked to many women, watched the ‘Birth Time Movie’, did the Calm Birth Course, read some phenomenal books (below)… I felt confident there was no other way for me, and Adrian was 100% on board.
If you are reading this and you wonder if you could consider natural birth, maybe your doctor has told you some reasons why you shouldn’t natural birth, I encourage you to do some deeper research, see the Birth Time Movie, talk to a Private Practice Midwife.
If instinct guides us towards natural birth, I feel it’s important to follow that… trust it, and speak to people who can give many different perspectives.
Luca’s Birthday
Luca’s birth was relatively smooth, as smooth as pushing-a-melon-out-a-lemon-sized-hole can be!!
We birthed at home nestled in the forest amongst the bird songs of lyrebirds, bellbirds, black cockatoos and kingfishers, crickets and frogs.
My pre-labour was around 16 hours, and labour was around 1 hour 40. As the contractions, or ‘rushes’ gained intensity, my mantra became… “it’s only sensation, it doesn’t need a story”.
By 9pm that was well and truly out the window, there was plenty of story! ‘Is this ever going to end?! Why isn’t it progressing? Am I going to split in two…!’
The main complication was that I’d begun throwing up at about 2pm and didn’t stop till 3am, dehydrating me and causing worry to come creeping on in like a dirty thief.
9pm Helen gave me the first Saline bag which got us back on track for a while.
Despite the IV drip, I continued vomiting and 2am Helen and Marley made the call to break my waters, concerned I may not have enough strength to push when needed if I continued for another 8-12 hours pre-labour... I was in full trust.
She found it harder than usual to break my waters... “that’s the strongest water bag I’ve ever had to break!! It just doesn’t want to open!” Possibly why we weren’t progressing.
That changed things up a few gears, the rushes are radiating through my entire womb and pelvis, my bones feel like they’re starting to split!
I stood to let gravity help, and my mama-dragon-roar kicked in to accompany the rushes, echoing down the valley.
Mind over matter… having a personal midwife coach was priceless!
Panic began to creep in as my sacrum started to expand and burn. It all escalated fucking quickly so I didn’t realise Luca was beginning to crown, I just felt the overwhelming urge to push, and it bloody hurt like pain I’ve never felt!
Helen coached me to breath, to take the energy from my throat, and place it into my perenium. The hollerin got deeper and focused and the panic disappeared.
It’s literally like pushing out a huge poo!! Naturally the impulse is to prevent pooing in public… but that shame has no place in a birthing room! The next push my pubic bone felt like it was splitting so I stopped pushing, afraid I was going rip something.
“Well I think this babies coming, you better get in the pool!”, says a delighted Helen.
After 20mins or so the burn reached climax and I felt his head crowning. I just wanted to push him straight out and make the pain stop. Adrian’s kneeling by the pool at this stage, holding my hand and helping me control my breath. Such a solid, nurturing support bless his heart.
Helen slowed me, “let him sit there for a few rushes… quick breaths, think soft and stretchy skin… soft and stretchy skin!”
A huge roar and his head popped out!!! Ohhhhh, good God what a relief!!!
She coached me to rest, lean back on my knees and feel his head from the front… “on the next rush his little body will probably come out, catch him and make sure he comes up out of the water head first.”
One final rush, and I caught him in teary awe and ridiculous relief. I lifted him to my chest as he cried a mucousy cry, clearing his lungs and our little miracle was with us… on the outside! Adrian had a huge smile and joy all over his face.
The placenta birth was just as intense though momentary, and what a phenomenal creation of nature’s intelligence it is!!
What a journey. Where 9 months disappeared to is a mystery.
And, just like that... the pain started to fade. Natures greatest trickery!
Helen, I don’t have sufficient words to convey the depth of our gratitude for you, and also for Marley. What a team!
I feel so deeply blessed to have found you, to have had Adrian by my side, to have shared the journey with Camilla, to have the nearby blessings of Parvati singing for us, of our families loving us up, and to have Lee there with all her love, capturing this indescribable journey in images.
Helen, your calm, grounded, highly intuitive nature, combined with your exceptional skills are a blessing this world needs more of. Despite the many frustrating challenges you face from bureaucracy and ignorance, Adrian and I are forever grateful, and forever family.
Week 1 begins… a continuum of life, a new rollercoaster of emotion & uncertainty, enormous rock hard boobs & the beginning of deciphering a new non-verbal love language!
A whole new chapter…
Homebirth Info & Resources…
Books:
Spiritual Midwifery – Ina May Gaskin
Windows to the Womb – David Chamberlain
The Continuum Concept – Jean Liedloff
Courses:
Calm Birth Course
Hypnobirthing Course
Homebirth Documentary:
Info:
…and feel free to get in touch to chat!
A few other discoveries for the 4th Trimester!
Breastfeeding… Burping & Wonder Weeks growth leaps.
Though I had plenty of advice on breastfeeding and my Midwife was incredibly skilled and helpful, until I saw the Lactation Consultant, on recommendation from Helen, I didn’t realise I was still doing it wrong! I set Luca set up with a wrong latching style so my nipples were cracked and bleeding off and on for the first 6 weeks. Now I had to unlearn him, and create a new habit!
He was feeding so frequently I was getting FA sleep, grumpy and tired. Luca took a while to put on weight, he was extremely windy and grumbly from pain due to incorrect latching meaning he couldnt regulate my milk flow during ‘let down’. I was feeding him lying down so wind was getting trapped, where feeding him upright allowed less wind trapping and easier digestion.
See a Lactation Consultant!
I recommend Sally Richards at Lorne Surgery in Maitland (She is also a home consultant)
Babies have ‘Leap Weeks’ of growth
This is when they do a major growth spurt, their body, cells and brain is doing a shitload of work!! So they can be fussy, grumpy and unsettled for no apparent reason. This App is great to track it and give you all the incredible ways your baby is changing and growing.